“While we all have lots of bands who influence still… we all rip off Meshuggah.” -Devin Townsend I mention this quote because, despite my opinion of them (I do not much like them, kind sir), their influence and impact on modern heavy metal cannot be overstated. This is not to say Entheos has or ever […]

I get to stare at possibly my best tattoo every day, which is for Skeletonwitch, which sometimes give me the skeleton itch. Meaning I want to hear new music from the boys. They’re from my hometown and mean a great deal to me, all of them lead different lives now, and getting music from them […]

If you get naked, cry, and sacrifice babies at the altar of death doom, you probably like Insomnium. So, I guess the GOP can start looking for pedophiles at their shows (or in their mirrors). I’m only here to help. I’m no fanboy, but I do enjoy their output, particularly my favorite of theirs, One […]

Turbid North delivering a new album takes me back to when Eyes Alive was released 7 years ago. So young, naïve, and infinitely more fuckable. Unless you’re a cougar. Not the animal, though. I’ve found no parallels. Much like the awful tenure of my life from then to now, it hit me hard when I […]

I’ve been working through writer’s block for months now, and nowhere near my normal standard of productivity. I’m at the stage where I am wondering if I have anything to add to the heavy music stratosphere, or if anyone cares about my voice. You know, existential bullshit. Anyway, here I am, a couple of dick […]

The weight of expectations can sometimes be quite heavy. Like your mother. So here comes Ashen Horde to give her a piggyback ride… or something. I don’t even know how to follow up my own analogy. With their new one on the incomparable Transcending Obscurity Records, they (and by “they” I mean Trevor Portz) have […]

Intro, take 2. Let’s talk about some filthy, nasty, ass sweat-inducing death metal. Last year, I had several albums that could fit this description on my year-end list, with a few just short of it. I think the only band in the genre I did not see live last year was Tribal Gaze, but maybe […]

I’m going to lay this out on the table (like I did your mom, son) and just let you know I am a Worm fan. I’m a fan of the Worm. I like Worm, see? This all may have come out wrong, but if I do my job right, you’ll all be ready to take […]

Reviewing an album from my favorite band, Type O Negative will be like Peter (and his peter) in that infamous Playgirl spread… HARD (allegedly). I started writing for Teeth of course well after Lord Petrus passed away, so I never imagined the time would come where I would not only get to review one of […]

For this one, I want to take a trip back to heavy metal city where the mustachioed man wearing the trench coat from my last Veilburner review resides. Turning the corner once again past the mainstream shops, I see the man and two masked men standing over his lifeless corpse. Oh shit, the Veilburner duo […]

I have a problem with power metal in that I miss all the great albums until after the year is over and therefore am unable to include them on my year end list. However, I did happen to catch the promo for Judicator’s new one on Prosthetic called The Majesty of Decay, and I am […]

If you’re like me, and for your sake I hope not, you’ve been looking forward to a follow up to The Offering’s stunning 2019 debut Home. Its mix of power, trad, and metalcore would have placed well on my AOTY list, but I wasn’t writing for the site yet. It was thoroughly enjoyable and remains. […]

Death/doom is my wheelhouse. This year at MDF, I was finally able to see one of my favorite bands, November’s Doom. During the middle of the day, no less. That was a bucket list item. So, when a band of which I have never heard lists them as influenced by, or for fans of, well, […]

What’s the fucking point? Seriously, what’s the point of deathcore anymore? When Lorna Shore raised the bar so high, yet A Wake in Providence and Angelmaker came very close to clearing it with their releases early in the year, I just wonder why any band would even try. That’s the thing about deathcore, though. It […]

One of the great things about being somewhat close to two scenes is that you just might see the same band in two different places. This is the case with small/death metal newcomers Mulciber, having seen them in Pittsburgh once opening for Castrator, but eating pizza and unable to take videos or photos. Then, not […]

Around these parts, Florida’s Worm is a band we hold in high regard. Their last full length, Foreverglade, was in my top albums of last year, so to suffice it to say a lot of us were looking forward to their next one. Here it is in the form of a grindcore triple album, or […]

Imagine yourself being attacked by a shirtless man wearing a neon green ski mask. Then, imagine liking it and hoping he decides to do it again. Maybe some of you in our readership don’t have to imagine it because it’s your kink. I’m not one to kink shame. Whatever floats your penis, I always say… […]

Ripped to Shreds has been doing this nasty, skronky, old school death metal for a while, but the style has recently taken off. There are several incredible albums in this domain so far in 2022. Namely, Molder, Phobophilic, and Tribal Gaze, to name some recent ones. There’s always been something a little more distinct with […]

The new Spellbook album is not as good as their debut. That could be the review. However, it’s not always so easy to explain. You see, there are still several excellent moments, but where the debut felt like a complete album experience, Deadly Charms feels like a collection of songs. That’s not necessarily a bad […]

Music critics are idiots (myself included). Especially so when it comes to reviewing what can pass for a “big” release. Of course, this is metal, so that’s relatively speaking. If they say it’s the best thing since the blow job was invented, you can rest assured it sounds like pretty much everything else out there, […]

Sometimes it’s nice to take a break from the oversexed, fast car, jumbo jet, yacht party lifestyle of a playboy heavy metal reviewer and get back to basics. You know, get back to the reason why you have an aircraft carrier full of Ferraris in the first place, check out some underground promos, and find […]

Sometimes a promo comes out that I just need to review. The promo in question here is Revocation’s new slab, Netherheaven. However, it was about third or fourth in line, I thought I had a lot more time, and then the boss comes in, knocks my macaroni and cheese off my desk into my lap, […]

Nergal, the controversial frontman for black/death mainstays Behemoth is basically that kid in school who everybody thinks is kind of aloof, doesn’t talk to anyone, and people somehow like. That is until he gets his license, drives by you in his new convertible his parents bought him with the top down, hair flowing, listening to […]

I was ready to fight to review this. Not literally, though as it would have been between myself, Frank, and Steve. I’ve met Frank and I’m more than 100% certain he could kick my ass. While I’ve not met Steve, some of the fish he’s caught rival me in size, so I’m not confident. With […]

This is an instance where I actually bit off far less than I can chew. Damn it, I was really looking forward to a new full-length from Xenobiotic after really enjoying 2020s Mordrake and my body was FUCKING READY. Apparently Xenobiotic weren’t and that’s kind of a problem. Anyway, this little teaser, presumably before their next […]