On top of this, Portals, in my eyes just doesn’t slot comfortably into the CM manifesto be it aesthetically or musically. Now of course I realize the label went a bit gaga a few years ago, picking up the likes of Winds of Plague and Suicide Silence, those I could understand, this I can’t, had it been on their imprint Abacus (if it still existed) then it would make more sense, but on the main roster? Anyway debating this conundrum is futile, maybe I am reading far too deeply between the lines, and after all, what does it matter as long as the music is good?

That in itself is a perplexing question with no straight answer (sorry everyone). From a technical perspective and in terms of ability, the answer is yes, these boys can play, they can shred in fact with sheer ease and with impressive dexterity, so from a technical perspective, yes, the music is good but its overall impact is often softened by some strange song writing choices. “My Cup’s Half Empty,” for instance, begins with a hammering, bludgeoning riff which segues seamlessly into impressive shredding, and crunches, flowing effortlessly. Thus, so far, so satisfactorily head crushing, but then, popping out randomly from the chaos are these wacky (no other term) beeps, squeaks and other odd noises.

The approach remains similar for “Skiff for the Suits,” again, there is plenty of juicy heaviness to be found, such as the lurching crunch that kicks in just after 40 seconds, again though, once that part ends the beeps and oddities return. At times these intrusions sound like the works of some twisted Casio keyboard from another dimension, however, the unique texture doesn’t equate to them being good or their inclusion valid, luckily the no nonsense heaviness returns at the track’s bookend, dragging it to a more bearable conclusion. “Saturnine,” continues this, and in fact instills a finer balance, with the extra terrestrial meanderings slightly more restrained with the focus pushed towards molten riffing and focused bludgeoning. To further shift focus on the aggression, some gang vocals and even gutturals show up on this track.

Again, I will reiterate that the band has talent, no question there, and they are not afraid to take chances, no doubt either there, but this constant pandering towards the weirdness is still their downfall. I definitely think they can make this kooky experimentation work in a moodier, more complimenting manner to their metallic barrage, but then, perhaps if you subtracted all the weirdness from Portals, what would that make the band? Answer; a solid, even likable metalcore band but perhaps one that wouldn’t have made it this far or made this many albums and most importantly, may not have made it onto Century Media.

Maybe Portals, and in fact their back catalog is of the same stock as say Focus, or Spheres, or Into the Pandemonium, or even Mr Bungle, that being as of now, it’s largely misunderstood, maligned and rejected. Maybe in years to come the band will become a holy grail to music nerds who will dig back through this era and seek to find that weird metalcore band that released a few albums on Century Media.

A more likely fate is being caste to the dark, decrypt depths of bargain bins in music stores across the world, never again to see the light of day.

I therefore hope I am proved wrong and the nerds yearn to hunt for it…

Arguably one Century Media’s worst releases in a flurry of questionable recent releases, California six piece, Arsonists Get All The Girls ply a form of keyboard laden, spazzy, squeally, grindy, growly, blasting pseudo grind/deathcore that is simply directed at Hot Topic kids and kids in general.

With the underlying ‘metal’ being along the lines of The Red Chord, older The Number Twelve Looks Like You and any number of modern short haired grind kids, but no where near as good as any of them, AGATG’s ‘selling point’ if you will, is that they utilize quirky, almost 80’s pop programming and synths within their chaotic deathcore visage. Yay. So what that amounts to is a random points within any number of crumbling, blasting or breakdown filled riffage, the song stops suddenly and tangents into some form of oh-so quirky keyboard/synth pop tangent (“Save the Castle, Screw the Princess”, “Mantipede”) or the forgetful music is backed by some form of the same (“Shoeshine for Neptune”), but is annoying in both counts (“Touristanias”).

Either way, neither add anything to the music and never meshes melds or adds to the music like say The Devil Wears Prada, Drop Dead Gorgeous (both valid comparisons minus the clean elements) or Horse the Band. It actually all comes across as horribly gimmicky rather than an honest attempt to add something to the genre. And of course there’s those oh so quirky song titles (“To Claim Middle Age a Decade Early”). Double ugh.

Much like black metal, I sort of base my opinion on the fact of how good would the music be without the programming? In this case a pretty subpar form of modern spazzy grind/deathcore that’s empty, shallow and the programming really doesn’t add much; It’s cliché filled (lumber filled “Cuffed to Your Ankles”, jazzy break of “13 Year Old Ruby”, piano closure of “So You Think Know About the Games of Life (Party In the Rear)”) and forced (“To Get Eaten By The Rats”).

Steeeeeeee-rike!