Yesterday I had a day off during mortuary college finals and it was raining like a pure bitch, so I spent the AM sipping gin & lemonade, blasting my old Weakling and Antiseen cassettes, and watching Webe Web videos. (By the by, to Allison, Sherri, Marie and all my girls: I miss the shit out of y’all and hope you’re doing well. Hit me up with news about the case, K? K.) Regrettably, I decided that a very brief spate of industriousness would make my sloth even more delicious, so I brushed the beagles (NOT a euphemism) and threw on some CDs from the review pile.

And that’s when it happened …

I had created such a comfortable, human headspace that the Lordi album literally hurt my feelings and kind of made me wanna cry. It’s that insupportable.

The hype surrounding this group of treacherous and nasty Finns completely mystifies me. (And by the by, I need to know a racial slur for Scandinavians. I don’t guess I’ve ever heard one, and “herring-eating cocksucker” seems awfully unwieldy.) Lordi are basically GWAR impersonators who play the shittiest “rock” songs that Turbonegro never had the stupidity to mis-write. And they have the balls to fucking say they’ve never heard of GWAR. If you read any music magazines, you’ve seen their pictures. So, like, you be the judge, K? K.
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“The Man can’t bust our Music,” brothers and sisters. Trust me, don’t let Lordi hurt your feelings and make you wanna cry.

I’ve seen GWAR mentioned a lot as comparisons, but I have to tell you, musically, Lordi have little to do with GWAR other than their costumes and theatrics. Musically, Lordi, are in my opinion far better, (I’ve never been a fan of GWAR’s actual music) and play a horrendously cheesy yet catchy mix of hair band metal and 80’s metal such as Judas Priest, Scorpions and Twisted Sister, (the album actually feature guest appearances from Dee Snider, Jay Jay French and Udo Dirkschneider). This is more Motley Crue and Andrew WK and such than anything. Still, for pure, sing-a-long, simplistic arena rock anthems that will bring a smile to your face and get you mullet shaking, Lordi, actually deliver the goods.

Even I have to admit standout tracks like “Bringing Back the Balls to Rock”, “The Kids Who Wanna Play With the Dead” and “Hard Rock Hallelujah” (the song that won the Eurovision contest) and “The Chainsaw Buffet” brought a huge guilty grin to my face (and my wife’s) as well as the uber cheesy ballad “It Snows In Hell”. However, by the time the 3 bonus tracks do roll by, the gimmick factor has worn off somewhat and I’m ready for some death metal, however the bands mission of getting me to rock old school is well accomplished.

This special edition US release, features 3 bonus tracks and a DVD making it a bit more alluring for already curious US fans, and I’ll interested to see if US fans come out to see them on tour considering their huge rock star status on European shores.