Calling New Writers

We here at Teeth of the Divine are again drowning in releases, good and bad. It’s gotten so bad that we even told the water department to scram because, honestly, who has time for watery showers when you can simply shower in metal and bathe in righteousness? But even then, the sacrifices to our personal hygiene and well being isn’t enough to cover all the goddamn metal we receive daily. Thus we’re looking for a few good headbangers that know how to spell somewhat coherent sentences to share their educated opinions about today’s hottest and ugliest releases.

by Staff

We’re seeking for new writers who know their metal — or metalheads that know how to write. Each day we get tons of new releases and despite our best efforts, our small handsome group can’t go through and write about it all. Otherwise we’d still be reviewing albums from 2010. If you know your music-related opinions are far better than anyone else’s, then that’s a start. If you know what the differences are between Bathory, Dream Theater and Poison — even better! If you’re itching to be heard, then you just might be what we’re looking for.

We’re poor and run this site on our own spare time from our own empty pockets.  That’s why we can’t give you new genes to make you look better or throw money at someone to dig up Joan River’s grave for the chemicals to keep you young, but that’s okay! The only thing we care about is your personality. As poor as we might be, we’re confident that we can throw new music at you faster than you can listen to ’em all. It’s mainly metal-related stuff, but there’s a few New Kids on the Block compilation CDs lying around as well. Also, if you want to talk to some of the most incredible people within the metal kingdom–besides us–and want to turn those talks into interviews, we’re glad to help you in any way we can. There are also other benefits to being part of the site — albeit none of them include drugs, booze or sex (negotiable).

Even though we can’t ‘pay’ you for your time in cold hard cash, there are still a few requirements:

1) We love activity, so we hope to see at least 2-4 reviews from you a month.

2) Not only do you have to have your own opinions, but we’d also like if you could justify them.

3) Don’t be a douche

Wow. That’s easy!

So if you think what it takes, send us an email at editors [at] and let us know about yourself with one or two review samples.



  1. Commented by: Chris F

    Hey guys, I hope you are able to find some people to fill these vacancies. I would love to do this. My output would be lacking in quantity and quality. I am not current on most trends after 2008 or thereabouts.

    A well-rounded reviewer would not be anything that any reader would be heard saying about myself.

    I don’t understand most of lyrics anymore and I don’t really care what the (above)average metal band has to say about politics, love and death.

    I am fairly certain that my opinions on the musicality and somewhat technical aspects of metal are as solid as any stuck-up and egotistical music fan. My greatest weakness would be that I could not be bothered to do too much research on a band I was unfamiliar with unless they struck that certain chord that struck my google bone.

    If you are looking for people that fit that bill I could drum up a couple sample reviews, although I am not thinking that is what you are looking for.

    I would have loved this opportunity ten years ago, now days work and bullshit pass the time so quickly I often give up before I start. Like this.

  2. Commented by: Chris F

    One more thing that I forgot; probably because I just got off a 16 hour night shift and whiskey.

    I felt compelled to comment due to the lack of comment and secondly the fact I keep checking here for new reviews related to whatever band I am waiting for to be reviewed and don’t see them posted. I love most of the reviews/reviewers on this site.

    Thanks for providing one of the few metal review sites I appreciate. I’ve been following Eric T since the beginning of digital metal or maybe before that.

  3. Commented by: E. Thomas

    Thanks for the kind words Chris F- why dont you give it a go? submit a couple of samples for shits and giggles

  4. Commented by: jerry

    Erik, I’m game to write again, depending on how many reviews you want done in a week.

  5. Commented by: Erik T

    Check your email jerry

  6. Commented by: StormFront

    This would be right up alley. I used to do album reviews for my page back in the day. I’m willing to help out if needed.

  7. Commented by: Timothy D White

    I’d love to write for you guys. Look out for my email, with samples.

  8. Commented by: Alex

    Do you cover power metal?

  9. Commented by: E. Thomas

    We try to cover power metal, but really dont have any writers that specialize in it- interested?

  10. Commented by: Barron Keith

    Good evening,

    Are you still looking for potential review writers? I see your original post was dated May 11th. It’s conceivable that I can scrounge up enough time to review an album a week. My musical tastes have spiraled down the paths of the murky and obscure and I predominately listen to lo-fi black metal these days – although I can give everything a fair chance, sans anything from a genre hyphenated by the word “core”. I’ve even begun to take a faint interest in doom, thanks to my brother!


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