Witch Taint
Sons of Midwestern Darkness

“Warning! What you about to hear is extremely extreme. If think you can handle it by all means listen. However, if you have a preexisting condition that is aggravated by things that are evil, extreme, infernal brutal, cult , unholy or just sort of negative in general, you are urged to turn off this recording. And now behold the cold black fury of…..WITCH TAINT!!!

Comedy and metal have long strange history dating back to Spinal Tap, through Bad News, Lawnmower Deth, Crotchduster, Nekrogoblikon, Tenacious D, Brian Posehn, Dethklok and more recently, Psychostick. But black metal has usually not been the focus of comedic metal, ( that said, the movies Deathgasm and Heavy Trip did it well, and The Black Satans had some great videos). Some might say its seriousness and imagery has some inherent comedic value, and doesn’t need to be spoofed or parodied, as it does it to itself , but Brooklyn comedian Dave Hill thinks other wise.

Under the guise of  Lance the King of Black Metal, a teenager from Gary,  Indiana, (who actually converses with a member of Mysticum in this fantastic email chain) and aided by Matthias Backwards (rumored to actually be musician and comedian Phil Costello), Witch Taint was born and their debut album, much like many of their comedic metal peers before them is a hit or miss affair, loaded with ‘meta’ references and jokes, and some average music.

The music itself, or course isn’t actual black metal, as the jokes and lyrics would be missed in a storm of tremolo riffs and rasps, so what you get is more heavy metal/rock akin to Lordi, with some slightly raspy and comedically accented vocals. Some of it is decently catchy, some of it is awful, but I’m sure that’s the point. But at least Hill does indeed get the genre’s inherent silliness and some of the inside ‘meta’ jokes actually made me giggle out loud amid  the 17 songs and skits/interludes.

Whether it’s making fun of death metal and Glen Benton/George Corspegrinder  in “Death to Death Metal”; (“Weak songs of gore, played by guys in sweatpants“), being evil in “Sons of Satan”: (“the seven deadly sins, that’s just that shit we do on Mondays”), Vikings in “Viking Heaven”; (“Just because Valhalla is only meant for the extreme and brutal warriors of all time, that doesn’t mean there aren’t some hot chicks up here too”), some smooth R and B in “Ready for LVV”, (“Ohh honey child you are not the only one, that wants nothing more, baby than to blot out the sun”), drinking blood in “Are You Ready (to Black Metal?)”, how grim they are in “Sons of Midwestern Darkness” (“some people say we have accents, but us we don’t hear it, some say we are lactose intolerant, but us we don’t fear it, nope“). Like I said, some of it hits and some of it misses depending on your general level of acceptance of humor in metal, or if you are one of those TRVE/KULT folks they are making fun of.

Later on in the album, there’s actually a pretty funny track featuring a common black metal trope, the female soprano vocalist (i.e. Sara Jezebel Diva) as ‘La Sinistra’, (who appears on other tracks), singing about turning off the lights in “The Dark Way”.

Also, later witch themed tracks “Taint of the Witch” which actually comes close to being a ‘real’ black metal track, with a Dark Throne-ish punky stomp and bonus track “In the Hall of The Witch” (with a pretty catchy chorus) show the duo can pen a solid song as well as comedy (we don’t cater to no false metal neither, like those dicks from Dimmu Borgir), making for a solid entry into the comedy metal realm.

[Visit the band's website]
Written by Erik T
April 24th, 2020


  1. Commented by: Benjamin Simard

    Not sure how I feel about this yet, but I’ve been a fan of comedy-injected metal for many moons so I’ll give it a good listen. I wouldn’t say the D are metal but I love them nonetheless. I did, however, grow up listening to Lawnmower Deth’s insane early output – I think Scatterbrain would fit into this category as well, at least to a degree, and Infectious Grooves certainly fits (Sarsippius, you dummy!). I think Crotchduster is the crown jewel of the genre, though – I’ve had it in regular rotation since it’s release and I’ve never tired of it and I love that even my hardened metal brethren still can’t understand my fixation with them! One of my acquaintances is good friends with Suecof and he has, on my behalf, been pestering him to get Dr. Bronze off his lazy ass and help them get a new record out!

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